Grease

Today I took Anna to see Grease at Concordia college. We went early and got front row center seats. They were fantastic and anna had a fabulas time. They radio show host Vince came by and danced for her in the beginning and even gave her his autograph. Then in the second part he pulled her onto the floor and danced with her. They put her in the spot light for like five minutes and she was the whole show at that moment. She was elated and i can't remember when i had such a great time. This is the type of thing i've dreamed of since i learned that i was pregnant with her. Babies are cute but i have nothing but frustration with them. Anna is just getting to the point when i can really enjoy her. The performance was unbelieveable by the way and for everyone who missed it i am sincerely sorry.

Seeing this show though reminded me of how much i sometimes miss being young and crazy. I feel so often like a fashion model stuck inside a 400 pound body (like i just don't belong where i am). I am still a crazy, wild, daredevil, searching teenager with the world laid out at my feet- but i'm stuck inside the tempered responsible everyday humdrum of a mother and wife. I need to get out and be a little crazy sometimes- do something a little wild. The passion inside me threatens to escape and explode- often in pure irritation- at the injustice of being stuck in this role that i have been given. I love my family but i have the heart of a gypsie and it so often wanders to thoughts of where else i could be. Lenny often tells me that being happy is wanting what you already have- it's true but in some ways it is far easier said than done. I am so rebellious and i wonder why the Lord made me that way.

volunteers?

Okay, i know at least a few of my friends read this blog and if you are reading this i am seriously asking for your help. I am going to host a halloween party for anna's entire kindergarten class. Please dont laugh, i'm looking forward to it more than anything. The thing is that for some reason or other i am at an all time energy low at the moment (hopefully my next physical can shed some light on that) and i would really appreciate some help to pull it off. The party will be october 29th from 5-8 pm. If you have any interest at all in helping me in this endeavour please let me know, it would be hugely appreciated.

Paladin of Souls

Drew gave me a new book. It is kindof a sequal to The curse of Challion and it speaks directly to my soul. I have barely begun to work my way through it yet i am already transported to a different realm. In the beginning a woman has been freed from all her former required duties as ruler, daughter, mother, ect. and she departs on a journey to free herself from the last vestiges of a life that she despises. At one point it describes her realization that she doesn't even know what kind of hairstyle she preferrs for herself because it has been goverened by someone else for so long. The freedom of simply doing things in her own way is intoxicating. This is a story line that grips my soul. Understand that i know that i have a life full to overflowing with blessings that i am ever thankful for, and that it is simply human nature to desire to be something different than what we are. But being a parent, and even a wife, can sometimes feel like a trap. One that i desire desperatly to break free from and discover who i would be if i were not already molded into this person that i am now. Please understand that i do not wish that i had made different choices, just that my searching heart wonders if this was always who i was supposed to be or if there were different options in the beginning. In other words, am i what god had planned for or does his plan evolve around who i have become? I just desire to know because i also wish i knew what the next step will be? WIll i simply be a wife and mother for ages or will i be something more as well? And later, if all my obligations are fulfilled to my family what will i be then? Do i simply continue down the road or will i have opportunity to be something even more than i can imagine? I love this book because it searches me as i search it, and i long to know the answers i will find.

miss me?

blame it on drew! Last tuesday he gave me a book called The Curse Of Challion to read. Not really kmowing what to expect i opened it out of pure curiosity, mostly as to whether he had chosen something i would enjoy. Boy did he have me pegged accurately, and very few people i know would have scored there! Five minutes and a good ten pages into the book i was hooked. Every turn is riviting and if you have any feelings at all you're instantly entranced. I cannot begin to put into words the complex questions raised here about religion and spiritual matters. It was a challenge and a delight and a debate all at once. Somehow this book is a study of theology, romance, battle tactics, politics, and honor and loyalty all at once, and it is fabulas! Alas, my complete and utter immersion through to it's finish has kept me from writing this last week though i had much to say. In brief review for now, the camping trip was a delightful success, if you can forgive the train running through the campground every 2 hours all night long. Really though the company and immediate surroundings were both pleasurable. My trip to the fair with len turned out to be quite nice, and i discovered a dairy free ice cream!!!!!!! It was absolutely fantastic and i have never been in greater extasy over food. Of all the things i desperatly miss eating it would definitly be ice cream. I plan to eat a ton of it next saturday. But the best thing to happen to me this week is definitly my new puppy! I have waited for so long to have this puppy and finally she is here! On friday we adopted Leila from the humane society. She's 11 weeks old, a terrier mix, and very sweet. My parents helped make her adoption possible and both anna and i are very grateful. They also donated a crate for her to sleep in and a leash and blanket and puppy book. They have truely blessed our lives this week in a very special way. Leila is wonderful and my heart is joyful to finally have my dog. In other news, i have my first deepcleaning session at the dentists on thursday morning and i'm terrified. I have nightmares about it in which it turns into a torture session and i am alone and wondering where my body guards went, and why they would dessert me. I hate the dentists office and this promises to be just like the last time: terribly painful and with no respite due to the cruel trick of being completely immune to novacain. I hate this and worse, i have to go there all alone. please pray that i'll stop feeling so nervous that it makes me want to throw up and cry. I don't know how i'm going to survive four appointments and the surgery to have my wisdom teeth out. the fear and lonliness is nearly unbearable.

suddenly busy

all my friends are now winding down from a busy summer, However it seems that we are winding up! Our trip last weekend, the camping trip in a few days followed by the state fair, back to school preparation, and the hope of a last minute weekend camping trip to duluth when the colors start to change not to mention my favorite time of year beginning just around the corner all lead to the busy time of year for us . We have spent a lazy summer- even considering house stuff, and are now on to the involved stuff. Plus we really need to insulate our attic very soon. This is soon to be the best part of the year for me and the nip in the air delights me in the morning. I adore the fair and even as that ends we roll into preparation for apple picking, fall activities, halloween parties, and after that it snowballs quickly to thanksgiving and then - the crowning glory of each year- christmas. To know i'm getting closer and closer makes my heart sing. I love fall parties with their delicious breezes, bright colors and irresistable smells. The smells of sweat and sunscreen give way to the everpresent smell of cinnamon and leaves and if i could choose a perfect perfume for myself, thats what it would smell like. I have been watching my children this morning and thinking that part of the reason i love them so much is that they enhance all of those celebrations for me. I adore them because they give me a reason to enjoy and relive all the things i loved as a child. Taking them to duluth last weekend was just one example of that for me. They remind me of what i used to be like, and it's a nice memory. It is my greatest happiness to delight them and the fall and winter holidays are prime times to do it! Anyway, enough rambling for now.the weather is lovely and it's time to get outside and play!

See that smile on my face? Thats how i felt all weekend. I cried when we had to leave but i soon turned my thoughts to the future and let the past flow behind me as a sweet sweet memory. The huge hugs waiting for me were more important even than a wish for more time alone. It was a wonderful weekend and though it makes me long to plan another escape it also makes me joyful to be back with my beloved children. Once home with them we all ended up snuggled together on my bed and it was pure bliss to me, different than the time spent with my husband, but all the same, music to my soul. Nana said the kids did great. They never cried ( with the exception of the baby of course!) and she really enjoyed the time with them. Anna did get sick and in that respect was pretty miserable all weekend, she still is actually. But mom said she was a real trooper and enjoyed herself despite all that. She is always so brave. I cuddled her like crazy at home, and i intend to continue. She loved her seagull feather that i brought her and she thought the pictures of the sail boats were awesome. Noah adored the thomas pictures and the movie we shot as well. Lexi was a pure brat crying for nana even as i took her home. Mom assured me that she had spent the whole morning calling for me! Boy is she a little trouble. My dad says she's like a constant show, always doing something hillarious, and i'm glad he got to enjoy her for a while because he doesn't often get that. Anyway, here i am home and i'll post more pictures tomorrow but for now if you're after the pics check out lens blog. Sleep well everyone.

relaxing

I am watching yet another gigantic ore boat in an incredible sunset enhanced by music from blues fest floating over the water to my ears. You can hear and enjoy it almost everywhere. My horrible cold has been slowly subsiding and i am having the best time ever. Our room is fantastic, outfitted with every luxiourious touch, a double whirlpool, and our own personal sunroom complete with a fireplace. If it gets as chilly as it's supposed to we'll try it out later tonight. We rode on the harbor cruise and walked every peaceful and romantic place possible. In another hour we'll be off to see the Aliens of the deep film at the omnimax. We even saw Thomas the Tank Engine on the railroad tracks! You can bet we took great pictures for noah and anna!! In all seriousness tho, there is no more beautiful and relaxing place in the world than the northshore, and so close to our home. I could stay here forver enjoying the scenery, and the man i adore. Also, the music has been exemplary (thanks to Eric!) and every moment is one that i wish could last forever. The weather here is perfect, cool but sundrenched and i could not have asked for anything else. I wish you could all be as peaceful as we are now. God bless.